flying December 15, 2008
Posted by Doug L. in contemplative, The Christian Life.Tags: attention, depth, fire in the night, friendship, giving, greatness, hunger, IHOP, Jesus, love, peace, salvation, taking, The Christian Life, walking, weakness
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Sometimes, my heart is free. I remember once again the life I long to live. It’s one of the most beautiful things I can dream of. It looks nothing like anyone else. And I think this is my greatest obstacle. The beauty of being different. The Doug that lives on the outside longs for acceptance, to be noticed and to do great things. But the hidden man longs for the quiet place…more than that…a lonely place. The cave of the un-noticed. The realm of a heart fully at rest, not trying to appease or please. But sitting before the one who sets free and free indeed. I want to give myself fully to this one. This hidden place, when occupied births the hunger for sacrifice and un-denied love. All around me I see: busy, corporate, American star eyed people who long for attention…but it is never satisfied. The hunger only gets deeper. We see it clearly in people like Brittany Spears who 2 weeks before her life exploded into one of the most exploited and harassed lives, the Lord put her on my heart to pray for. And it wasn’t like, “I should pray for Brittany Spears”, it was like my heart exploded with compassion and desire for her to know the Lord. Her life…now in complete shambles…is an example of someone given the opportunity to gain attention. Like so many of us hunger for, but are never given the opportunity to bathe in the attention that the world can give. We are all prone to what Brittany is going through. The reality is that we are, truly, looking for the relationship that will be true. Someone who will notice us, love us, be there when we are down or totally broke, help when we call…to fill our cup! And then, the most radical thing happens…do you know what happens in this relationship? When your cup is totally full? You wear your heart on your sleave, you bear your very soul to the world and Jesus shines. This is now the beauty of a heart transformed and filled by the only one who will hear/heal our little hearts. He makes them big hearts. Him and Him alone. But, and there is a great but…one that makes the majority of the world and an equal amount of proclaimed Christians stutter…it requires a secret life. An un-noticed walk. One that leaves many things behind, mostly our worldly opportunity for enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong, it is this very walk, this quiet path that will immediately give you an inner joy like has never been known…and it only gets better. But it is a quiet and lonely path. Is God real? Is this relationship with the invisible God-Man possible? The only way we can know is if we spend time in the quiet place of our heart. Is it difficult to sit in silence, to be in a room that is not busy or not have a TV on? This would be your obstacle. This is the doorway into an opportunity. Then you say, “Come, Lord Jesus. Come”. And He will faithfully and always arrive. In the quiet and lonely place. This is the place of a free man…flying.
Being home… October 9, 2008
Posted by Doug L. in contemplative.Tags: colorado, faith, family, friends, God, goodness, home, IHOP, Jesus, life, peace, rough and ugly, truth, walking
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…is…good…and hard…not to override the good though. I landed a job working at a little ma/pa Sinclair gas station. It’s good to work in such an invoronment. It’s very peaceful. There are the daily regulars who come in for the Coke, gas and cigarettes(not a fan of the cigarettes…but love the people:)). And we make small talk for a minute or so and they go their own way. I love the days here…NOT HUMID!!!!! Beautiful skies…beautiful mountains…fresh pine air. This is, and will always be home. It’s good to be here. To see those dear to me. My family and close friends. I’ve missed them so much. I have had so many good memories running through my head in the past 6 months of home. Some times it truly was genuinly difficult to not be here. I love this place and the people who inhabit it. I love the walk I have with the Lord here. It’s not pretty, granted, but it’s genuine and powerful. Who would really want a “perfect” walk anyways. I think it’s the pain that makes the pleasure so sweet:) I love the Lord in this place. He is so merciful here. Those who work in the “market place” and the rough and ugly…and remain faithful to the Lord…have a true anointing and gift of grace from the Lord. Only those with a true and intimate walk with the Lord could see it and have it for their own. But…I wont lie…it is bitter sweet…
I have a hope bubbling within me. I have a joy that is beginning to be birthed inside of me that there is this slight change, this dim…but growing hope that I could live a life completely saturated/immersed/wholly given to the Lord. That my every moment and breath could be spent meditating and speaking with the One True God, Jesus. It’s not for everyone. And thats OK…thats good. Everyone is called differently, not that we arent all called to be wholly given to God. But it just looks different for everyone. My desire for this life of being wholly given looks like this. Night and day prayer and worship. Meditating on the works and character of God. Psalms 27:4…being with Him. Granted, this beast of burden titled “support raising” is nothing short of a bad weggie(sp?)…it’s TOTALLY worth it! And am expecting the Lord to be faithful and help me get through it step by step. Anyways, I am being strengthened day after day and stronger as each comes that IHOP is my future home and am becoming more and more excited about it each time I think about it. It’s not Colorado and never will anyone be able to fill the hole I will feel being so distant from my family and friends. But, this life of devotion is burning within me with an unquenchable flame and I must satisfy it(pretty fancy wording eh?:)) But it’s true and I am REALLY excited to give my life to the Lord in this way. I’m excited to see how the Lord will help me in this time and love the idea that I could live my life with the sole occupation of a man in prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lord, you are good! May we give our lives fully and wholly to You! We love you!
