Night Unto Night

flying December 15, 2008

Sometimes, my heart is free.  I remember once again the life I long to live.  It’s one of the most beautiful things I can dream of.  It looks nothing like anyone else.  And I think this is my greatest obstacle.  The beauty of being different.  The Doug that lives on the outside longs for acceptance, to be noticed and to do great things.  But the hidden man longs for the quiet place…more than that…a lonely place.  The cave of the un-noticed.  The realm of a heart fully at rest, not trying to appease or please.  But sitting before the one who sets free and free indeed.  I want to give myself fully to this one.  This hidden place, when occupied births the hunger for sacrifice and un-denied love.  All around me I see: busy, corporate, American star eyed people who long for attention…but it is never satisfied.  The hunger only gets deeper.  We see it clearly in people like Brittany Spears who 2 weeks before her life exploded into one of the most exploited and harassed lives, the Lord put her on my heart to pray for.  And it wasn’t like, “I should pray for Brittany Spears”, it was like my heart exploded with compassion and desire for her to know the Lord.  Her life…now in complete shambles…is an example of someone given the opportunity to gain attention.  Like so many of us hunger for, but are never given the opportunity to bathe in the attention that the world can give.  We are all prone to what Brittany is going through.  The reality is that we are, truly, looking for the relationship that will be true.  Someone who will notice us, love us, be there when we are down or totally broke, help when we call…to fill our cup!  And then, the most radical thing happens…do you know what happens in this relationship?  When your cup is totally full?  You wear your heart on your sleave, you bear your very soul to the world and Jesus shines.  This is now the beauty of a heart transformed and filled by the only one who will hear/heal our little hearts.  He makes them big hearts.  Him and Him alone.  But, and there is a great but…one that makes the majority of the world and an equal amount of proclaimed Christians stutter…it requires a secret life.  An un-noticed walk.  One that leaves many things behind, mostly our worldly opportunity for enjoyment.  Don’t get me wrong, it is this very walk, this quiet path that will immediately give you an inner joy like has never been known…and it only gets better.  But it is a quiet and lonely path.  Is God real?  Is this relationship with the invisible God-Man possible?  The only way we can know is if we spend time in the quiet place of our heart.  Is it difficult to sit in silence, to be in a room that is not busy or not have a TV on?  This would be your obstacle.  This is the doorway into an opportunity.  Then you say, “Come, Lord Jesus.  Come”.  And He will faithfully and always arrive.  In the quiet and lonely place.  This is the place of a free man…flying.