flying December 15, 2008
Posted by Doug L. in contemplative, The Christian Life.Tags: attention, depth, fire in the night, friendship, giving, greatness, hunger, IHOP, Jesus, love, peace, salvation, taking, The Christian Life, walking, weakness
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Sometimes, my heart is free. I remember once again the life I long to live. It’s one of the most beautiful things I can dream of. It looks nothing like anyone else. And I think this is my greatest obstacle. The beauty of being different. The Doug that lives on the outside longs for acceptance, to be noticed and to do great things. But the hidden man longs for the quiet place…more than that…a lonely place. The cave of the un-noticed. The realm of a heart fully at rest, not trying to appease or please. But sitting before the one who sets free and free indeed. I want to give myself fully to this one. This hidden place, when occupied births the hunger for sacrifice and un-denied love. All around me I see: busy, corporate, American star eyed people who long for attention…but it is never satisfied. The hunger only gets deeper. We see it clearly in people like Brittany Spears who 2 weeks before her life exploded into one of the most exploited and harassed lives, the Lord put her on my heart to pray for. And it wasn’t like, “I should pray for Brittany Spears”, it was like my heart exploded with compassion and desire for her to know the Lord. Her life…now in complete shambles…is an example of someone given the opportunity to gain attention. Like so many of us hunger for, but are never given the opportunity to bathe in the attention that the world can give. We are all prone to what Brittany is going through. The reality is that we are, truly, looking for the relationship that will be true. Someone who will notice us, love us, be there when we are down or totally broke, help when we call…to fill our cup! And then, the most radical thing happens…do you know what happens in this relationship? When your cup is totally full? You wear your heart on your sleave, you bear your very soul to the world and Jesus shines. This is now the beauty of a heart transformed and filled by the only one who will hear/heal our little hearts. He makes them big hearts. Him and Him alone. But, and there is a great but…one that makes the majority of the world and an equal amount of proclaimed Christians stutter…it requires a secret life. An un-noticed walk. One that leaves many things behind, mostly our worldly opportunity for enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong, it is this very walk, this quiet path that will immediately give you an inner joy like has never been known…and it only gets better. But it is a quiet and lonely path. Is God real? Is this relationship with the invisible God-Man possible? The only way we can know is if we spend time in the quiet place of our heart. Is it difficult to sit in silence, to be in a room that is not busy or not have a TV on? This would be your obstacle. This is the doorway into an opportunity. Then you say, “Come, Lord Jesus. Come”. And He will faithfully and always arrive. In the quiet and lonely place. This is the place of a free man…flying.
Pondering a ponder… August 23, 2008
Posted by Doug L. in contemplative.Tags: christianity, deep thinking, fire in the night, IHOP, Jesus, love, salvation, truth
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As I sit here like so many other mornings, after 3ish hours of prayer and 2 hours of singing on my worship team…I am tired. But in my mind I’m wrestling with what I have accomplished so far over 5 months of being here. Pondering my efforts and wondering if I “ran” with all my heart and fully gave myself as I wanted to. I feel grieved at my efforts. I know I’m a little hard on myself but I really want to get the fullness out of each moment I’m here and feel like maybe I haven’t done so. Not that I’ve given myself to lesser things. I haven’t! Actually everything I’ve given myself to is quit radical in all logical observations. And spiritually they are foundational for my generation: Studying the End-Times, studying intimacy with the Living God, the soon coming signs and wonders to be seen in the heavens and on earth, radical revival and whole hearted abandonment…not many people care deeply of these things like I have come to desire them over the years, but in the end they’re just things to do. Good and deep they are, but still just things(I’m sure some day I’ll probably read this and think, “you really missed the mark on this one Dougie”…but until then:). I think, truly, one of the deepest things a man can do is sit before the Lord and speak with Him and have Him speak back. Literally Psalm 27:4! Its all over the place here at IHOP. Its like the verse over this house. To bless and behold the Lord. But I would say that my heart is truly in that and I want that with all my heart. But in sitting before the Lord, a mans heart, a man who has been touched by the love of God, will always long for the quiet and gentle touch of his Friend Jesus Christ. I feel as if I haven’t had that the entire time I was here. And frankly I’m a little broken over it. It’s the reason I came to IHOP…to regain the lost ground I had with the Lord in my walk. Not that I’d fallen away but at some point since the beginning in 02′ He became quiet and I stopped hearing Him. And I did see it but didnt know what to do to “fix” or change it. And so, this morning I sit hungry once again longing for this simple touch. Please come and touch my heart Lord Jesus!
Its not that I feel unsaved, but I just feel like its been a while since I sat next to my best friend and had a good cry and told Him how much I loved Him.
“In repentence and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength.”
